My Spanish was shot to hell this past week. Montezuma isn't really a Spanish-speaking place. Like even when we tried speaking Spanish to the guy in the convenient store or our waiters or anyone else for that matter, they would respond in English. Even when we continued to speak in Spanish, they continued to speak in English. So we gave up after about two days and embraced our whiteness. I didn't realize what a problem this was until Geovanny came to talk to me in the biblioteca about an hour ago and I couldn't understand a freaking word he was saying without having him slow down and repeat it. It was beyond pathetic. Weak sauce provided today by yours truly.
Okay so when we last spoke I was contemplating calzones. Contemplation was made reality, and oh my gosh were they good. Tess and I split one stuffed with veggies and cheese and all sorts of goodness. These loser gringos at the table next to us made some comment about how the calzones were as big as their thighs. We should have told them what was up, but instead we busied ourselves with our thigh-size calzones and were just loving life.
Also at the restaurant they have a clown. A clown with full-on face paint and a red rubber nose and balloon animals. Beyond creepy, especially considering there were no children at the restaurant. Tia thought he was sexy.
After calzone fest, we went on a quest to find dessert. The supermercado and the convenient store were both closed, so our dreams of a dark chocolate bar were squashed. We went over to our dirt cheap haven only to be vastly disappointed by their lack of dessert options. I got a chocolate banana milkshake that was missing its shake. Sad times.
To lift our spirits, we decided to give Chicos a go. It was reggae night in the land of potheads, so that was interesting.. The entire back half of the bar was populated with sketchballs. Hardcore sketchballs that sketched off behind the building in groups of 3 or 4 frequently. They were FEELIN the music. I was entertained.
Also at Chicos we met one of the gringos that Tia went to the waterfall with. She called him "Country," but we later found out that his real name is "Slade." Seriously. Slade. The guy was a fat skeeze. He is 32 and is head-over-heels in love with himself. He was wearing one of those awful Abercrombie tee shirts that scream IM A TOOL, and his arms were shaved. A highly esteemed alum of LSU (Victoria please do not go to LSU), Slade drawled about his short-lived stint in the NFL in true narcissist fashion. There was also a string of 3 sentences that had the phrase "my exercise" thread through it about 7 times. I really thought I was going to barf. I had had more than enough of Slade after Thursday night, but every time we turned around homeboy was there. Seriously we saw him at least 10 more times before we left Montezuma, and every time he was in an increasingly more ridiculous outfit: flame bandana paired with a giant tooth necklace, under armor hat/ shirt/ wristband (all worn together of course), and my personal favorite: a blue and orange sarong skirt with a fringe. You can't make this stuff up.
Surfing in the morning was entertaining for Cayman and I. We met up with Christian, the instructor, in town at 8 and hiked over to Playa Grande. Playa Grande is the dirtiest beach I have even been to in my life. It was disgusting. I had a hard time finding a place to sit amongst all of the plastic and discarded tires, and ended up with a soaking wet towel from trying to sit within the tide's reach. Cayman and I lasted about an hour watching the rest of the girls' commendable attempts at surfing, then we headed back for a mid-morning pick-me-up. This pick-me-up came in the form of a "Mocha Chiller," a sign that God does indeed exist. Homemade frozen yogurt, a shot of espresso, and hot fudge. Words cannot express the immense satisfaction that is to be gained from this libation of the gods. So I'll stop trying now.
After the surfer girls got back, we sat down at Sano Banano for lunch. Abby and I split the most amazing vegetable quesadillas with guacamole, pico de gallo, and bean dip. We were super obnoxious and kept fawning over them, but we couldn't help it! They were that good. Tess got a veggie burger and Tia got the buddha burrito, but I could tell they had food envy. Rightfully so.
I spent the afternoon by the pool reading and listening to music and loving life. I think we squeezed in some One Tree Hill time as well. Then we all got cute and went out to dinner. Back to Sano Banano. Abs and I went for round two of veggie quesadillas. Tess and Ann split an order of them as well, and Tia got an order for herself. I'm telling you: they were that good. Sano Banano was having another movie night, but on this particular evening they were playing "Don't Mess with the Zohan." We asked to be seated as far away from the screen as possible.
After dinner we returned to our hotel for a OTH fix. Tess and Tia went back to Chicos, but the rest of us just weren't feelin it. Real life can wait. Give me Tree Hill or give me death.
Yesterday morning we decided to try out a new place for breakfast. We went to the bakery at the edge of town, and ordered lots of delicious-sounding things. Too bad the bakery BLOWS. Oh my gosh the server was garbage, a level of garbage only comparable to the food we were served. I ordered eggs with tomatoes and herbs and toast. I received herbs with 3 pieces of tomato with an egg-like texture and stale toast. Buzz kill. They did have resident monkeys, though. White-faced monkeys that had a whole playground set up right next to our table.
They also had the stupid Montezuma birds. When we first got to Montezuma, we thought these creatures were pretty. They are blue and black and white with long tail feathers and little tufts of black feathers on their heads. They are not afraid of humans, and have no problem sitting within a few feet of you. One morning, I was sitting on our porch in a rocking chair eating yogurt and granola just minding my own business and enjoying the ocean, and one of the birds came and perched itself on the porch railing. I paid it no mind, until all of a sudden it attacked. Like flew right at my face trying to get at my food. I screamed and woke everyone up and ran into my room. From that moment on, I have had an immense hatred for these nasty creatures.
In Montezuma, there are a lot of awesome hippie artists, and most all of them have dreds. So cool. I want dreds. We bought a bunch of stuff from them, funding their drug and alcohol needs for the week. Go us.
Most all of our lunches during the week consisted of extra crunchy peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Or Nutella and extra crunchy peanut butter sandwiches. Sheer bliss.
Last night we had hands-down the best dinner of the week. We went to Pizza Connection, which is this teensy little pizzeria with awkward little tables that wasn't open on weekdays. We all squeezed into a booth and ordered chips and guacamole and salsa (slash pizza sauce..), a grande "Margherita 2" and a grande "Vegetariano." Oh my gosh the pizza was incredible. We did work on those two grandes. You don't even know. Then we rolled ourselves back over to the hotel and watched One Tree Hill until the food coma took over and we all passed out.
This morning we woke up and went out for our final meal in Montezuma. We went to Sano Banano and were not disappointed. I got my eggs and toast and was completely satisfied, although I can't say I didn't have a bit of food envy for Cayman's french toast. It was way good. Then we had a mini-photo shoot on the beach before heading back to the hotel to pack our things up. Our taxi came and got us at 9, then ferry left at 11, and then the K/Carlas surprised us at the end of our ferry ride. Love them. The 8 of us piled in the TOURISTA taxi for the rest of the drive back to campus. We did stop for snacks, though. I had a fat bowl of frutas--pina, papaya, kiwi, and watermelon. Deliciousness.
And now we are home. I have finally stopped sweating. New teachers arrived today. We just had dinner with them, but we will have a meet and greet with them at 7. Question mark? Whatever. I'm glad to be back. I hope you didn't miss me too much!
peace love and chadios montefuma
